compw00ter — Incident Catalogue
Date: 2026-06-21 Status: Living content list — starter set; edit freely (rows, numbers, counters).
The master list of every event players face. Grouped by class, which maps onto how you deal with it (the three hero verbs + bosses). Numbers (HP / severity) are placeholders for playtest tuning.
How to read this
Every incident has these fields:
| Field | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Type | Tech / Social / Supply / Chaos / Smoke Break / Food. Soft-counter: any ability damages it, a type match does ~3×. |
| Anchor | Where it lives — a Room (location) or a Player (attached to a person). |
| Tier | Blocker (disables a whole game until fixed) · Puller (removes player(s) from play) · Standard (just bleeds the w00t) · Supply (a meter source/need). |
| HP | Ability-damage needed to clear it. Low ≈ 1–2 hits; High ≈ needs several heroes. |
| Severity | How hard it bites (bleed rate / pull strength): minor · major · catastrophic. |
| Escalates? | Whether it gets worse if ignored (most do). |
| Source | Clock (ambient director) · Trait (which hero's meltdown) · Boss. |
| Counter | Which verb stops it + the natural specialist. |
Everything ultimately attacks attendance (the w00t): blockers stop a game filling, pullers drop you below quorum, supply crises make heroes useless.
Class 1 — Location fires → FIGHT (go to the room, HP-kill it)
A fire-fighter runs to the room and pounds a matching ability until HP = 0.
Blockers (a game can't run until this is fixed — someone must leave their seat)
| Incident | Type | HP | Sev | Source | Countered by |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Internet Down | Tech | High | major | Clock / b0n1's flood | Eradicus Fix The Internet (3×); b0n1 Quick Patch; any fight |
| Power Cut | Chaos | High | major | Clock | any fight at the fuse box |
| Rig Crash (one team's room) | Tech | Med | major | Clock | Eradicus / b0n1 |
| Truth Flood (LAN-wide, games run hard) | Chaos | High | catastrophic | Trait: b0n1 (Unusualness/high) | Eradicus The LART / Detect Drugged Lusers; any fight (soft) |
Standard fires (bleed the w00t / clutter a room)
| Incident | Type | HP | Sev | Source | Countered by |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tipsy Spillage | Supply | Low | minor | Trait: Rowr (Booze/high) | Zazbob; any fight |
| Equipment Gremlin | Tech | Low | minor | Clock | Eradicus Cable Whisperer; b0n1 |
| Cable Tangle | Tech | Low | minor | Clock | Eradicus Cable Whisperer |
| Pizza-Box Avalanche | Supply | Low | minor | Clock | any fight |
| Security Incident (b0n1 overstimulated) | Chaos | Med | major | Trait: j1mb0 → b0n1 | Eradicus Detect Drugged Lusers; b0n1 Script Kiddie |
Class 2 — Player pulls → CLEANSE (or prevent, or wait it out)
A teammate gets yanked off their rig. Three ways to handle it: Prevent (fight/veto the source before it grabs anyone) · Cure (a wrangler cleanses the person) · Wait (pulls self-resolve on a timer).
Solo pulls
| Incident | Anchor | Source | Prevent | Cure (cleanse) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Smoke Break | Player → porch | Clock / Trait: Proto7ype, Franz (Booze/high) | Zazbob Smoke Break Veto | Franz / Mr Bond / Jack |
| Nap / Narcolepsy | Player → bed | Trait: Zazbob, Sarah (Sleep/low) | keep their Sleep up | Mr Bond Hype Man; Jack |
| Sugar Crash | Player | Trait: Pebblefeline (Food/high) | don't over-feed her | cleanse / self-resolve |
| Bad Trip / Loose Grip | Player | Trait: Mr Bond (Unusualness/high) | ration the edibles | Franz Talk Them Down; Pebblefeline |
| Embafflement | Players nearby | Trait: The Butcher (Booze/low) | keep his Booze topped | cleanse each victim |
| Awkward Silence | Players nearby | Trait: Jack (Unusualness/low) | get Jack a little unusual | any cleanse |
| Beef-Wellington Vanish | Player → kitchen (+Food fire) | Trait: Rowr (Sleep/low) | keep Rowr rested | cleanse / wait |
| Rectum Roulette | Targets a teammate | Trait: Sarah (Booze/high) | keep Sarah's Booze down | cleanse the victim |
Mass pulls (several at once — grind through them or triage)
| Incident | Anchor | Source | Counter |
|---|---|---|---|
| Edible Avalanche | Many players (too high) | Trait: j1mb0 (Unusualness/high) | Franz / Pebblefeline cleanse each; Sarah Universal Wonder counters the draw |
| Too-Interesting Tangent | A group | Trait: Franz (Booze/high) | any cleanse; pull them back |
Class 3 — Need / supply crises → PROVIDE (refill the source)
A meter source dries up, or a hero's meter hits empty (→ abilities removed, dead weight). A provider tops people up. Double-edge: over-providing can push someone to a meter-extreme and fire their trait.
| Crisis | Meter | Source | Fixed by |
|---|---|---|---|
| Beer Barrel Dry | Booze | Clock | The Butcher Exceptionally Strong Beer; refill the barrel |
| Food Runs Out | Food | Clock | Rowr Feed Everyone; Pebblefeline Making Pizza; the ham (self-serve) |
| Edible Drought | Unusualness | Clock | j1mb0 Dispense Edibles; the stash (self-serve) |
| Hero burnt out (any meter empty) | any | knock-on | the matching provider tops them back up |
Class 4 — Bosses → coordinated / special response
Named forces that come through the front door and target people.
| Boss | Effect | Countered by |
|---|---|---|
| The Wife | Removes one player entirely until rescued | a teammate goes to rescue / cover for them |
| The Martin | Pulls several players out; +morale, −beer; amplified by Franz | Sarah Universal Wonder (astronomy draw); keep Franz away from him |
(Boss tuning = large HP / strong pulls needing several heroes — the HP model scales straight up.)
Trait → incident index
Quick cross-reference: each hero's meltdown and what it spawns. (Most incidents are self-inflicted — a telegraph + grace window lets teammates pre-empt before it fires.)
| Hero | Trait | Trigger | Spawns |
|---|---|---|---|
| b0n1 | Truth Flood | Unusualness/high | LAN-wide flood (games run hard) |
| Eradicus | Ham Overload | Food/high | self-pull (seizes up mid-fix) |
| Zazbob | New-Dad Narcolepsy | Sleep/low | self Nap |
| Sarah | Game-Destroying Nap | Sleep/low | self Nap |
| Sarah | Rectum Roulette | Booze/high | pull on a teammate |
| Mr Bond | Loose Grip on Reality | Unusualness/high | self Bad Trip (needs reassurance) |
| Proto7ype | Smoke 'Em… | Booze/high | Smoke Break |
| Rowr | Beef-Wellington Vanish | Sleep/low | self-pull → kitchen (+Food fire) |
| Rowr | Tipsy Spillage | Booze/high | Supply spillage fire |
| Franzlicious | Fag Break Magnet | Booze/high | Smoke Break |
| Franzlicious | Too-Interesting Tangent | Booze/high | mass Social pull |
| j1mb0 | Edible Avalanche | Unusualness/high | mass too-high pull |
| Pebblefeline | Sugar Crash | Food/high | self-pull (crash) |
| The Butcher | Embafflement | Booze/low | multi-pull (everyone nearby stops) |
| Jack | New Guy Nerves | Unusualness/low | Awkward Silence pull |
(Event-driven traits — Perfectionist Meltdown, Cider Rage, Martin Amplifier, "Calls in Franz", "They Don't Make 'Em" — are deferred; they don't spawn in the meter-only foundational build.)
Editing notes
- HP / severity are placeholders — tune by playtest.
- This is the master content list; add/rename/retune rows freely.
- Two open model items referenced above: a possible "buff" ability flavour (Hurty Mouse) and Jack's Wildcard copy-mechanic — neither spawns incidents, but both touch how counters resolve.